Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
