she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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