Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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