I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
