At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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