My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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