is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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