Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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