i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
