Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
