Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
