At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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