And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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