Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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