There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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