I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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