before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
