I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
