like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
