Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
