I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
