end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
