to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
