why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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