I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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