dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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