I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
