she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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