We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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