i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
