I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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