Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
