Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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