what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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