She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The Olympian is in my bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
