I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
