were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
