there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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