We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
