You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
