the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
