I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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