I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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