From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
