dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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