Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
