i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
