Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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