i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was confusing and full of hummus
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
