It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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