I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
