Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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