ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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