I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
